Off Limits by Vanessa North

Author:Vanessa North [North, Vanessa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Vanessa North

Nat

* * *

I wake at three in the morning with an armful of Bex. What have I done? My brain leaps from losing my job to losing my band to losing my fucking mind because of one selfish mistake.

No. Not a mistake. I refuse to think of sleeping with Bex as a mistake. Definitely selfish, though. I ease my arm out from under her and stand, face flushing with guilt, the bees in my stomach tearing me apart from the inside out.

I grab my robe from the hook on the wall and take a glance back at Bex, asleep in my bed, in the room X let me decorate when I still found comfort in lace and teddy bears. Without me at her back, she curls into my pillow, hugging it to her chest. I want to climb back into bed and wrap my arms around her and go back to sleep—but the panic rises and I turn away instead.

In the kitchen, I pour myself a glass of water and chug it down, trying to silence the bees, my brain, everything.

something’s got to give something’s got to give, something’s got to give

“Nat?” A bleary-eyed Bex stands naked in the doorway. “Are you okay?”

I shake my head, take another gulp of water.

She comes and stands behind me, rubbing a hand between my shoulder blades. “Do you want me to go?”

The thought makes me physically ill. I shake my head again, barely able to keep myself from retching.

“Do you want to talk?” She takes the water glass from my shaking hand and sets it on the counter. “Come on, let’s sit down. Couch or bedroom?”

I glance at the living room, seeing X’s face staring out at me from our pictures. “Bedroom.”

She leads me back to bed, obviously impervious to her own nudity. Normally it would turn me on, but—

She pushes me down to the bed, wraps my blankets around me, then sits beside me and picks up my hand again.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I—” my voice comes out on a croak. I try again. “—I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest.”

“Take a deep breath, focus on the feeling of my hands on yours, okay? Don’t think about anything else. Think about the pressure of my thumb on the inside of your wrist. Think about how your fingers are curling into mine. Just focus on those things.”

I try, I really do, and for a minute it works, but then my buzzing, whirring thoughts turn back into bees, and I gasp for breath.

“Shhhh.” She strokes my hand, then starts rubbing it between hers. “My mom had a nervous breakdown after the divorce. She said some days, she woke up and it felt like the floor was gone. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t walk.”

Nervous breakdown? No. I’m just dealing with too much. Something has to give.

“Where’s your floor, Nat?”

I shudder, draw in another ragged breath. “It’s underneath me, where it’s always been.”

“Yeah? Good.” She keeps rubbing my hand between hers, and leans her head on my shoulder.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.